Narcissism Myths: Suicide, Types, Crisis by Dr. Sam Vaknin

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

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The differences between variations of narcissistic personality disorder...myth-busting and answers to "do narcissists commit suicide?" "does therapy help narcissists?"

Typical Narcissist: some behaviors and traits are common to all narcissists (pathological liars, fantasy, dreams of grandeur, exploitative, schizophrenic, recluse, paranoid, hermits, not interested in people other than an audience feeding them constant narcissistic supply and they show a false self). All lack empathy, have a chaotic behavior, disorganized personality, antisocial and are terrified of true emotional introspection (depending on individual & type of  life crisis).
Cerebral Narcissist: histrionic personality disorder. using intelligence, intellect and knowledge to obtain narcissistic supply. Seductive, provocative, obsessive compulsive, and hypochondriacs.

Somatic Narcissist: Using their body, looks and sexuality to manipulate and get narcissistic supply. 

Pathological Narcissism: 

Uploaded on Jan 12, 2011 by Dr. Sam Vaknin

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link:http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq...

Narcissists very rarely commit suicide. They react with suicidal ideation and reactive psychoses to severe stress -- but to commit suicide runs against the grain of narcissism. This is more of a Borderline (BPD) behavior. The differential diagnosis of NPD from BPD rests on the absence of attempted suicide and self-mutilation in NPD.

In response to a life crisis (divorce, public disgrace, imprisonment, accident, bankruptcy, terminal or disfiguring illness) the narcissist is likely to adopt either of two reactions.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the...)

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.

Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Legal Defense "Narcissist" for Mass Murder?

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

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Chris Longo, a diagnosed *NARCISSIST* murders his entire family (wife, baby and 2 young children) and wants to donate his organs from death row

This Man Killed His Family And He Doesn't Know Why

Photo Credit Link: The Last Psychiatrist

Christian Longo was a "successful businessman" who fell on bad times/spent too much money. Too ashamed to admit to his wife he was failing, he tried credit and then theft/forgery/counterfeiting to maintain the image. When he knew the cops were on to him, he did the obvious thing: he strangled his wife while she was on top of him during sex; then strangled his 2 year old daughter who was sleeping on the floor beside their bed; stuffed their bodies in suitcases; then put his other two sleeping kids into their car seats and drove them to a bridge, tied rocks to their feet, and threw them in the river. Then he went to Cancun.

Photo Credit Link: KATU

PORTLAND, Ore. – Christian Longo is on death row for one of the most notorious crimes in Oregon history, killing his wife and three children along the coast then fleeing to Mexico,

It was not quite Christmas that year, 2001, when he strangled his wife, Mary Jane, and their 2-year-old daughter, Madison, then stuffed them into a suitcase and tossed it off the docks in Newport. He drowned Zachary and Sadie, dropping them off a bridge into Alsea Bay with rocks tied around their ankles.  Click Here for More + Video

You want a simple answer: why did he do this?

At no point in the Christian Longo timeline from birth to now was murder even a remote possibility. We look for reasons he did this: were there signs, a homicidal triad, bipolar, drugs, genetic history? We want reasons why it happened. There aren't any.

It's not spoiling much to tell you that Longo is a classic narcissist, but it's worthwhile to go through the examples: CLICK HERE!

48 Hours Mystery - The Pretender The Murder of Mary Jane Longo and 3 Young Children by Her...

48 hours Published on Jul 2, 2015

A man wanted for murder pretends to be a New York Times reporter. 48 Hours Mystery correspondent Maureen Maher reports. Welcome To Crime-Shows Here!

Subscribe, Like, Comment and Share! and Enjoy~ This is Mystery and Investigation Show Archive! Welcome and be sure to check out all our content, There is .

48 Hours Mystery The Pretender(Updated Case)/A Family Murdered Maureen Maher Reports YouTubeFriend me on Facebook 48 Hours Betrayal 48 HOURS .

Almost an entire family appears murdered. The husband accused of killing his wife and children turns up in Mexico impersonating a former New York Times .

Oregon D.A. says Longo is a sociopath, who deserves the death penalty. People like this are chameleon like, they intellectually understand that they need to show emotion, but they are really not feeling it. One of the things about con-men, is they can not stay off the stage, they always want to be the center of attention. We will never know what happened, he says because it is coming from the lips of liar!

Christian Michael Longo while on the witness stand blamed his wife for the murders of the baby and the 2 young children. Chris called her "explosive" and irrational and claimed she was being self-abusive.
Chris says that NOW he is beginning to feel remorse and empathy, that he did not feel before. He says that he condemns his acts for what he did in the past and no longer disassociates himself from those acts and admits that he did this alone.
Chris finally confesses and explains in great detail how he murdered each of his children, the baby and his wife:

Michael Finkel says, there he was SLANDERING his dead wife in court with complete confidence in his voice and perfectly detailed.

The FBI puts Chris Longo on the 10 Most Wanted list

Uploaded on Sep 8, 2011 by DCC
Special Agent Dan Clegg talks about the arrest and interview of Christian Longo who killed his wife and three kids in Oregon.

Chris was leading a double life, impersonating a New York Times journalist and celebrating his new life in Mexico. 

Terrified of the prospect of fighting extradition from a Mexican jail cell, he voluntarily agrees to go back to the U.S.A. with FBI special agent Dan Clegg.



From http://research.omicsgroup.org/ (LINK HERE)

Christian Longo was diagnosed with the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He first attempted to use that diagnosis as a defense in his murder trial. That did not work. Personality Disorders are not allowable as a defense in a criminal trial unlike mental illnesses. Years later he would admit to being a Narcissist in a letter to KATU television of Portland Oregon.

He writes that he eventually began "studying what a psychologist said I was and came to terms with it, almost totally agreeing that he was right ... his conclusion was the narcissistic personality disorder which he called 'compensatory' -- basically self-centeredness related to a damaged core sense of self."

Chris Longo, Organ Donation (LINK HERE)

In 2009, Longo requested to donate to a friend in need. After his request was denied, he founded G.A.V.E. (www.gavelife.org) to raise awareness for organ donation from prisoners and other "high risk" people. In 2011, the New York Times published an Op-Ed piece by Longo, titled "Giving Life After Death Row", in which he accepts responsibility for his crimes and his wish to donate his organs. In 2014, Longo published "Lethal Rejection".

Be Psychopath Free writes: 

Narcissists are the most dangerous predators on our planet and must be avoided at all costs. They are excellent actors and pretend to be normal by stealing the identities and personalities of others. They are not capable of forming attachments, not even to their own flesh and blood family or babies. 

There is no-fixing a narcissist and they abuse family members!

They do not know empathy, sympathy and are not capable of love. A narcissist does not feel any loss or true grieving even upon the death of a parent, sibling or other family member. In fact, BEWARE because the Narcissist may have been behind the suspicious death in a family, even if the parent is older (i,e. 80 years old).

When a narcissist is a family member and you are an enabler, you are feeling sorry for them, helping them or even trying to fix them... YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! 

If you know an enabler, AVOID the enabler, stop all contact and walk the other way. Enablers are just as dangerous and should be avoided. Especially enablers who have children, they have made their choice to be part of the problem, and through their own actions have decided to put the life of the Narcissist above the health, safety and welfare of their own children. These bad judgments can lead to child rape, mental abuse and even MURDER!

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

The Psychopath Next Door/National Geographic

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

    Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Therapist: "Your partner is a psychopath!" 

These words are devastating

A documentary on Psychopaths by National Geographic

Wolves in sheep's clothing

They are the cats and see the rest of us as MICE!

Snakes in Suits

"Parasitic Predators"

****THE PUPPET MASTER****

The Psychopath Next Door: Most of us think of the psychopath as a serial killer - a monster like Colonel Russell Williams, Paul Bernardo, or Clifford Olsen.

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

2 Tips 2 Heal - *Sick Family Unit*

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                        

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2 Tips 2 Heal with Richard Grannon  

"SPARTAN LIFE COACH" 

Accelerate your healing process.

The big NO in the sick family unit.

The biggest family secrets "The elephant in the room"

Your only as sick as your biggest secret.

Name the Demon and Contain the Demon!

Face your reality and rid yourself of denial.

Find Truth, Find Honesty & Be Free

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Narcissists & Children, Infants & Incest/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                        

    Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

WARNING! DISCLAIMER!

**Malignant Narcissists are PREDATORS**

The following informational content in this video is disturbing (factual, but disturbing). I have personally known a malignant narcissist which fits the details of this exact personality and behavioral disorder to a....

"T"

He abused his younger step brother as well as his own child, niece and nephews. 

The truth is not always very nice, nor socially acceptable or easy to hear. Please do not watch this video unless you.. 

1. want to learn the signs 

2. want to become aware of these behaviors & patterns or 

3. can emotionally handle very disturbing content which includes incest, child molestation, rape, sexual deviance and more abuse. 

These types of abuses are common among the patterns of clinical malignant narcissists, and most people would much rather ignore the signs, believe that their family members are not capable of such atrocities or bury the truth (and it might go away). 

Dr. Sam Vaknin is the world's leading authority on narcissistic personality disorders to include psychopath, sociopath behaviors and repetitive patterns.

The Narcissists Reaction to a New Member of the Family.
The narcissists feels that the new addition to the family, be it a sibling or even a pet, is a threat to his narcissistic space that he so laboriously constructed.

Questions: Please post your questions & answers in the comment field and we will post upon review. 

From Belinda: Why don't they go to jail?

From Bistro-que: Pets, Do they kill them?

From MinuteToMinute:  How can this happen more than once? don't they get arrested and go to prison?

From Brett:: Are the family members held legally accountable for allowing the abuse?

From Aussie Tim:Where is that sick, sick sicko that you knew personally, in jail? 

From Karen & William: Do these SICK F&*$%#S ever get caught? I don't get the over and over again part of this pattern. 

From Layla: Can the narcissist be cured through drug therapy?

From Simon: OK are they born like that, is it in their DNA or what?

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

The Cult of The Narcissist - Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                        

    Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Dr. Vaknin really spells it out in great detail. This is an amazing video. 

I call this "The Suldonon Syndrome" named after a specific malignant narcissist. If this reminds you of someone you know, leave your comment and we will publish (must meet the terms of use). 

The Cult of the Narcissist

How the narcissist acts like a guru at the center of his narcissistic cult where he demands complete obedience from anyone around him.
Visit HealthyPlace for in-depth information on Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and the narcissist:

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Vaknin & Rosenberg Agree & Disagree/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                        

    Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Vaknin & Rosenberg Agree & Disagree about Narcissism. In London 11/28
To Register: Click Here Now!


Published on Aug 21, 2015

Ross Rosenberg and Sam Vaknin meet for the first time to discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder and many subjects related to it. They talk about how narcissists express empathy, the nature of narcissistic rage and how it develops in a person.

Ross and Sam will be giving a training in London England on November 28th. The training is entitled: The Two Faces of Dysfunctional Love: Understanding Narcissism and Codependency.

Note: What I admire about Sam is that he is self-aware of his narcissism and can make it work to his benefit while not alienating all people. He and I know we have an opportunity to get the word out about our work through this collaboration. Therefore, his narcissism will work to both of our benefits. Ross.

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

When Narcissist/Sociopath Spouse's Behavior Changes

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                              Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

By: Sereena Nightshade
HDV 0699: Innocent spousal victims are strongly urged to seek additional information, speak to appropriate attorneys, forensic psychiatrists/psychologists, child abuse help lines, domestic violence resources & private investigators ASAP if you find yourselves in this horrific situation.

Moreover, the material in this video is applicable only to situations where a common child or children are in the family unit featuring an extremely covert predator & a non-abusive defenseless spousal victim. This information does NOT apply to step child/step children.

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                              Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability/Video

Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT 

Advanced Clinical Trainers (ACT) is committed to the highest quality trainings that are informative, interesting and clinically relevant. The trainings and trainers are engaging, hands on, and at times, a whole lot of fun. Each of ACT trainers are specialists or experts in their field who have experience in both the clinical and training fields.

Click to visit Amazon

Malignant Narcissist Personality Disorder

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                              Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Human Magnet Syndrome?/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                              Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Co-Dependency Recovery

with Ross Rosenberg

Be Psychopath Free

WARNING: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Truth & Research Defines Narcissism/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                           Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach Interviews Dr. Sam Vaknin in a RAW expose of the truth behind the scientific definitions of narcissism. Great research here!

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Spot a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                            Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

An  incredible 6 minute video that will change your life and even save a life of someone you know. Dr. Sam Vaknin puts dating into prospective. 

Please share and help raise awareness. The malignant narcissist is the most dangerous predator on this planet and they hunt human beings, so please share. Thank you!

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Narcissist's Insignificant Other

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                           Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Narcissist's Insignificant Other: Typical Spouse or Intimate Partner
Dr. Sam Vaknin
Please Share and help raise awareness! Thank you. 

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Narcissist: Confabulations, Lies w/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                           Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Narcissist: Confabulations, Lies w/Video by Dr. Sam Vaknin

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Can't Breathe, Sleep or Eat?

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                           Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Are you so confused that you can't even breathe?

Stop calling, emailing, texting and STOP trying to make contact RIGHT NOW! and get in contact with one of the specialists listed on our GET-HELP page.

Are you so upset that you can't even sleep?

It's alright not to sleep. When you get tired, you will sleep. Right now you need to focus on you. Drink some fresh, cool water and don't answer the phone, don't check your emails. When you want to talk, it is in your best interest to contact one of the specialists listed on our GET HELP page. 

Has a malignant narcissist invoked the silent treatment?

You can not control a malignant narcissist, DO NOT EVEN TRY! The best thing for you to do right now is to only talk to someone who knows and understands your situation first hand. If you keep picking up the phone and talking to friends and family, they may begin to turn on you, because they don't understand your situation, and they may get frustrated. PLEASE contact one of the specialists listed here on our GET HELP page NOW!

Have you been abandoned by a malignant narcissist?

I understand. This is part of the repetitive pattern. You are not the first, nor the last that this predator will victimize, I know this does not make you feel better right now, but it will soon. 

A malignant narcissist is by far the most dangerous predator on our planet, and they hunt regular, empathetic, healthy and normal human beings for narcissistic supply. They are users, abusers and will stop at nothing to get the attention that they need. If you are victim of a malignant narcissist, stop everything that you are doing and contact one of the specialists on our GET HELP page NOW!

Are you trying to make sense of all the horrific LIES?

Stop trying. Malignant narcissists are pathological liars and when they do tell some truths they can be quite shocking. I know, so please stop trying to figure out these lies. This has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with this dangerous predator that has spent the better part of it's (not human) life manipulating and victimizing human beings. I get it. PLEASE contact one of the specialists listed on our GET HELP page. 

None of this is your fault, and unless anyone has ever been a victim of a malignant narcissist, chances are that they will NOT understand your position right now! They may even think that you are over-reacting, exaggerating, even stretching the truth. PLEASE contact one of the specialists listed on our GET HELP page, RIGHT NOW!  

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

The Narcissist Never Sorry w/Video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                            Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Dr. Sam Vaknin:

The world's leading authority on personality disorders (sociopathic, psychopathic, paranoia, narcissistic etc.)

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Narcissists & Psychopaths are Among US!

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                            Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Sam Vaknin on a Radio Interview.

Narcissists are disorganized, unpredictable, they must victimize to sustain survival and EVERYONE is their PREY (young, old, any gender, even babies!!)
They eventually implode, then explode
They are empty shells, devoid of empathy walking around humans
They PREY on empathic humans because they are predators and their enablers don't cut them off



Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

When Love is a Lie w/video

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                                     Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

       When Love Is a Lie - Narcissistic Partners &.. (Book Trailer) by Zari Ballard

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Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Confession of a Professional Narcissist

 Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                                 Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Meet the man whose affliction is also his field of expertise
Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/book... )    and other books about personality disorders (http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the... ).

In this episode, Sam tells us how he found out he was a psychopathic narcissist, what causes these conditions, why people like him are so dangerous and, more importantly, how we can spot early warning signs in others before it's too late (and what to do if we do see them -HINT: Run).

http://media.blubrry.com/theartofchar...
On iTunes itunes.com/theartofcharm or https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/a...
More from Sam: Malignant Self Love -- Narcissism Revisited http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com
Sam's YouTube channel about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse http://www.youtube.com/samvaknin

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Money Narcissist's License to Abuse w/Video

 Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                                                                                               Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

Published on Mar 20, 2015

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link:http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq...

The narcissist says: "When I have money, I can exercise my sadistic urges freely and with little fear of repercussions. Money shields me from life itself, from the outcomes of my actions, it insulates me warmly and safely, like a benevolent blanket, like a mother's good night kiss. Yes, money is undoubtedly a love substitute. And it allows me to be my ugly, corrupt, and dilapidated self. Money buys me absolution and my own friendship, forgiveness, and acceptance. With money in the bank, I feel at ease with myself, free, arrogantly soaring supreme above the contemptible masses."

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the...)

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart.
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.

Gaslighting Effects in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Are you a victim of a covetous sociopath, psychopath, malignant narcissist, paranoid pathological liar? Have you been abandoned or slandered? Are you suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?                                                                                                                                  Visit our GET-HELP page NOW!

What is “Gaslighting”?



Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by narcissists in order to instill in their victim’s an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. The techniques used in “Gaslighting” by the narcissist are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture that have been used in psychological warfare by intelligence operative, law enforcement and other forces for decades.

The intention is to, in a systematic way, target the victim’s mental equilibrium, self confidence, and self esteem so that they are no longer able to function in an independent way. Gaslighting involves the abuser to frequently and systematically withhold factual information from the victim, and replacing it with false information. Because of it’s subtly, this cunning Machiavellian behaviour is a deeply insidious set of manipulations that is difficult for anybody to work out, and with time it finally undermines the mental stability of the victim. That is why it is such a dangerous form of abuse. 

The emotional damage of Gaslighting is huge on the narcissistic victim. When they are exposed to it for long enough, they begin to lose their sense of their own self. Unable to trust their own judgments, they start to question the reality of everything in their life. They begin to find themselves second-guessing themselves, and this makes them become very insecure around their decision making, even around the smallest of choices. 

The victim becomes depressed and withdrawn, they become totally dependent on the abuser for their sense of reality. In effect the gaslighting turns the victim’s reality on its head.

Where does the term “Gaslighting” come from?
The term “Gaslighting” comes from the 1944 Hollywood classic movie called Gaslight. The film starts with the murder of the famous opera singer Alice Alquist in London. The perpetrator was after the stars jewels, but before he could get them, he was interrupted by her young niece Paula (played by Ingrid Bergman); a child that Alice had reared after the death of her own mother. To help her get over the trauma of Alice’s death, Paula is sent to live in Italy, where she studies opera with her aunty Alice’s old teacher for several years. While in Italy, she meets a charismatic older man named Gregory Anton (played by Charles Boyer), they have a whirl-wind romance and very soon she marries him. He persuades her that they should return to London to live in the house bequeathed to her by her aunt. When they arrive, hidden in a book, Paula finds a letter addressed to her aunt Alice, it was from a man called Sergius Bauer. The letter was dated two days before the murder. Gregory reacts violently to the letter, but recovers his composure quickly, and justifies his outburst as vexation at seeing his lovely bride relive bad memories. Once Alice’s things are removed into the attic, Gregory’s diabolical psychopathic behaviour becomes very bizarre indeed. Almost immediately he sets out, systematically and methodically, to deliberately drive Paula insane by psychologically manipulating their environment covertly; for example, when a picture is missing from the wall, Gregory tells her that she took it, but Paula cannot recall having done so.

Secretly, Gregory gains entry into the attic and begins to tamper with the gas-light there, causing the rest of the lamps in the house to become dim. When Paula mentions hearing footsteps coming from the attic, and seeing the lights dimming for no apparent reason, he tells her it’s all in her imagination, and that he does not see any change in the brightness of the lights. He does not stop there; he resorts to other means of deception to further confuse his wife. For example, he fires his wife’s trusted elderly maid, replacing her with a younger one (Nancy) that he can seductively control. When Paula complains of feeling hurt and humiliated by his behaviour with Nancy, he tell her he is only being friendly. He states that in Europe no woman would feel humilliated for such a trivial act. Convinced that the wife is insane, Nancy begins to treat her with contempt, and Paula can feel her loathing, which further distresses her. He then takes command of all outside influences so that he has complete control over Paula, making it easier to manipulate her sense of reality. Of course, he pretends to have genuine concern for Paula, but the bottom-line is that he is only concerned about isolating her. Having isolated her from those within the house, he then precedes to take command of all outside influences so that he has complete control over her. He stops all visitors, and he does not allow her to leave the house. He implies that he is doing this for her own good, because her “kleptomania and imaginings” are due to her nervous disposition. On the rare occasion when they do go to a gathering at a friend’s house, he shows her his watch chain, from which his watch was missing. When he searches her handbag he mysteriously finds it there. Horrified, she becomes so hysterical that Gregory has to take her home immediately. She is convinced that there is something very wrong with her, and that it is best that she no longer goes out in public. Gregory’s overall goal is to drive Paula out of her mind so that he can have her certified insane and institutionalized. He continually tells her that she is ill and fragile, until confused and scared, Paula begins to act more erratically, and she starts to internalize that she is becoming the fragile person that he says she is. He even begins to rearrange items in the house, and then he accuses her of “always losing things”. Cruelly, he tells her that she is losing her memory. Knowing that her mother had died insane, to demoralize her further by viciously convincing her that she has inherited her mother’s bad genes. The more she doubts herself, the more desperate she is for her husband’s approval and love, but he rejects her, insisting that she is insane. With a combination of seduction, deception, isolation, bullying and rejection, reluctantly Paula starts to accept that she is losing her mind, and she becomes totally dependent on him for her sense of reality.


Unbeknown to Paula, Gregory is not who she thinks he is, little does she know that in fact he is her aunt’s murderer, Sergius Bauer. It was no coincidence that he happened upon her in Italy. He had deliberately gone to search her out with the intention of seducing her into marrying him. His main objective was to gain entry into the house in London where he could continue his search for Alice’s jewels. It was his rummaging in the attic for the jewels that Paula had heard, and it was he that had caused the flickering of the lights (from the attic) when he reduced the flow of gas to the downstairs lights. She had become an impediment to his search, so he needed her certified insane and institutionalized so that he could be free to find his treasure. He came very near to realizing his goal, but by some chance encounter Paula meets Inspector Brian Cameron of Scotland Yard (acted by Joseph Cotten), who was an avid admirer of her Aunt Alice. He tells her that she is not going out of her mind, but that she is beings slowly and systematically been driven out of your mind by her husband. Together with Paula, and with the support of the old housekeeper (who had suspected the master of causing these events), he opens the “cold case”. The drama reaches its final conclusion when he arrests Gregory just as he has found his treasure of the long lost jewels.


What is the purpose of “gaslightings”?
As you can see, this “Gaslighting Tango” is a form of psychological warfare that is both deliberate and progressive in nature between one individual (the gaslighter) and another (the gaslightee). The Gaslighting Effect involves an insidious set of psychological manipulations that are carried out gradually in stages, and repeated time after time, in order to undermine the mental stability of its victim. It is truly a convoluted dance, where finally the unsuspecting gaslightee believes that they are going crazy. Anyone can become the victim of these gaslighting maneuvers; age, intelligence, gender, creed is no barrier against narcissistic abuse of this kind. It does not only happen in romantic relationships (such as Paula & Gregory above), it can occur in all different types of relationships: between parent and child, siblings, friends, and work colleague. Actually, it can happen between any two people in any walk of life if the intention is there. The gaslighting, as a harassment technique, starts with a series of subtle mind games that intentionally prays on the gaslightee’s limited ability to tolerate ambiguity or uncertainty. This is done in order to undercut the victim’s trust in their own sense of reality and sense of self, thus resulting in confusion and perplexity for the victim. Even when the victim is bewildered and left wondering, “What just happened there?”, there is a reluctance to see the gaslighter for what they are, actually it is this denial that is the cornerstone of the gaslighting relationship.

The “Puppet Master’s” Web of Deceit:
Narcissists are puppet masters who manipulate their victims for personal gain. With precision they are able to “pull the strings” of their victims without detection, and render them helpless. In order to understand how a person can become a victim of a narcissist in the first place, it is important to know that the narcissist has many faces (the proverbial man or woman for all seasons). Different faces are required by the abuser as they lead the relationship through different phases; The Idealization Stage, Devaluation Stage, and the Discard Stage. The good news is that the gaslighting does not happen all at once, it happens in stages, which means that if one suspects (in the early stages) that they are being gaslighted, they can protect themselves by walking away (physically or metaphorically). However, one needs to be informed as to what those stages look like, in that way, the individual will be able to understand and identify what is happening at these different stages. With this information, one will be able to spot if they are being gaslighted in any interpersonal-relationship (whether it is at home, work or socially), and guard themselves by keeping the narcissist out of their energy field.

Gaslighing techniques (3 Stages):The Idealization Stage:
During the initial “idealization stage”, the narcissist puts on their “best face” in order to mould their victim into a symbiotic relationship with them as their narcissistic supply.
In the beginning of the relationship the narcissist showers the victim with attention, they are loving, charming, flirtatious, energetic, exciting, and great fun to be with. They appear to be so happy and interested in the relationship, and the unsuspecting victim enjoys every moment with their new charismatic partner. They love how the narcissist is so beautifully intense and how they get drunk on life, and they too want to drink this elixir with them. Intense bonding begins for the victim, and innocently, they also believe that the partner feels the same way about them, that the relationship is reciprocal, but this is the narcissist’s biggest deception. 

Caught up in this alluring state of euphoria, the victim becomes “hooked” by the gaslighter’s exuberance and grandiose exaggerations. In this kind of relationship, victims are known to experience biochemical changes in the body and structural changes in the brain. These exciting hooks create a release of chemicals (endorphins) in the brain, and it is these endorphins (or pleasure substances) that make the victim feel the euphoria in the first phase of the relationship. Like any addict, they become addicted to that high, and very soon they find themselves hooked emotionally to their narcissistic suitor too. However, this honeymoon phase is only an illusion, all smoke and mirrors. Having expertly determined the victim’s strengths and weaknesses, the “Idealization Phase” is over, and it is time for the devaluation stage of the gaslighting to begin. From here on in, the narcissist seems to turn cold, unfeeling, and even bitingly cruel.

The Devaluation Stage:
The relationship has now shifted into the “devaluation phase”, and it is as if a lethal freak fog has descended over the relationship. Almost overnight the narcissist becomes decisively cold and uncaring. The victim’s falls from grace is a hard one, they cannot seem to do anything right anymore; the narcissists loving words turn to criticism, everything the victim tries ends in a negative effect, and they find themselves devalued at every turn. Totally confused, the victim has no idea what is happening, and they become increasingly stressed, unhappy and depressed with the situation. The roller-coaster relationship leaves the victim in a state of constant chaos, as if always “walking on eggshells”. All their energy is directed at defending themselves, so the narcissist is not getting the positive attention that they crave; this is likely to be the time when the narcissist starts to look for a fresh provider of narcissistic supply.

The narcissist gaslighting is now at its peak, and there is no reasoning with them. Confused by the narcissist’s bizarre behaviour, the victim works harder and harder to please their abuser in the hopes of getting the relationship back to where it was in the start, when it felt safe. Deprived of their “narcissistic drug”, the victim is suddenly thrown into strong withdrawal symptoms. They are distraught with anxiety, turned inside out with confusion, and bereft of what they though they had, a soul-mate. In order to cope with the pain of this deep wound of abandonment and rejection, they escape into a range of unconscious defense mechanisms (a mix of denial, rationalization, infantile regressive patterns, cognative dissonance, trauma bonding etc.). 

Alone and isolated from the real world, these behaviours becomes their only way of surviving the narcissistic abuse, and the gaslighting they are now experiencing. No matter what they do, they only seem to create narcissistic injury to this stranger, and each time they do that, they inadvertently release an almighty rage down upon themselves (without even knowing how they are doing it). By merely engaging in these survival tactics, the victim becomes the hostage that is overly dependent on their captive (Stockholm Syndrome), where unpredictability and uncertainty is the order of their day. As a result, they are now caught in the macabre dance with the narcissist’s pathological grandiose self, where hell reigns supreme, and they regress into infantile regressive patterns of behaviour (Regressed Infantilism). 

At this stage they are most likely suffering the effects of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS), where they are reduced to a shadow of their former self. Finally they are at the mercy of the whims and pleasures of their “puppet master”.

The narcissist despises who their supply person has become; they view them as powerless, inferior and worthless victims, but at the same time, their worthless prey is providing them with a bountiful amount of narcissistic supply. Therein lays the paradox; the more the victim shows their distress, the more they become narcissistic supply for the abuser, and the more important and powerful the abuser gets to feel. The more important and powerful the abuser feels, the more blatant their verbal and physical violent becomes. This “pull-push” scenario leaves the narcissist acting in a way that says, “I hate you, but don’t you dare leave me or I will kill you”. They will react to any perceived movement away from them as a threat to their narcissistic supply, therefore any show of self-determination by the victim will surly be devalued. 

The narcissist is merciless in the way they devalue the victim. Devaluation of the victim can be delivered through many different forms and levels of attack; through victims own attachment needs, their intellectual capabilities, physical body, sexuality, creativity etc. By this time, like Pavlov’s dogs, the victim has been conditioned, and appears to the outside world that they are willing partners in the narcissists “convoluted dance”. Even if they do manage to escape from that narcissistic individual, they are at high risk of future re-victimization and entrapment with other narcissists, because they are primed in a way that other narcissists can spot.

The Discarding Phase:
In this phase, the game comes to its final conclusion. What started out as the idealization of a victim by the narcissist, is doomed to end with the idealization of the narcissist by the victim’s over dependence. Once this happens, the narcissist ardor for the game has dampened, in their eyes they have already won the contest, and the fun is over. By this time, the narcissist is totally indifferent to any needs or wishes that the victim may have, in effect they no longer exist in their mind. Not so for the victim, they are left confused and raw with emotion, and are eager to find solutions in order to “fix” the dying relationship. However, the narcissist resists all attempts to rescue the relationship, they will bully with silence, or if there is any kind of response, it will be brutally cold. In effect, the victim has become “worthlessly inferior” to them; they know they have drained the victim dry, that they have now outlived their usefulness, and now it is time for the narcissist to move on to the next source of supply. Any undertaking to win them back by the victim will only feed the narcissists ego, and further provide them with a transient source of narcissistic supply.

The plight of the victims of the Gaslighting Effect:
During the process of gaslighting, the victim will find themselves going through emotional and psychological states of mind. In her wonderful book, The Gaslighting Effect, Robin Stern, Ph.D. speaks of three stages the victim will go through: Disbelief, Defense, and Depression, she also goes on to flags down warning signs for recognizing when one is being gaslighted. I would like to expand a little on her analysis.

Disbelief:
Gaslighting is an extreme form of emotional abuse used by the narcissistic gaslighter to manipulate the innocent victim (gaslightee). The effects of gaslighting are so insidious, that they can lead to the victim losing all trust in their own judgment and reality. 
The victim’s initial reaction to the gaslighting behaviour is one of utter disbelief; they cannot believe the sudden change towards them, or indeed the fact that they are being gaslighted in the first place. All they know is that something terribly odd seems to be happening in the relationship, but they cannot figure out what it is that is happening. Of course, this is precisely what the abuser wants, after all, it would not work if the victim knew what was happening. 

The methods used by the narcissist in the initial idealization stage of the relationship progresses in such a way that it virtually guarantees that the victim will become hooked utterly and completely to their narcissistic abuser. Blinded by their love after been totally seduced, the victim naturally, trusts genuinely that their love is reciprocated, but of course, this is untrue, a total fabrication. Where once the abuser’s communication with the victim had been accessible and stayed within the relationship, it has now become blocking and diverting. All they know is that where the narcissist had once held them in “good heart”, they have now become highly critical of them. The sympathy and support that had been available has now turned to distain and antagonism. Whenever the victim (gaslightee) wants to reasonably discuss what is happening in the relationship, they are meet with silence, or worse, they find that everything that is being said is twisted or trivialized.


It is important to realize that the gaslighting does not need to be severe in order to have severe consequences on the victim; it can be as subtle as being told that “you are so sensitive”, or that they should not do something because “you are not able to do it, leave it to me”. Even though the victim can rationalize that these statements are untrue, gradually their confidence is being eroded away to such an extent that they cannot trust themselves. Gaslighting strokes, such as moving items from place to place, and then the abuser denying that they had moved the item really creates huge confussion to the victim. Or saying something, then later denying that they had said such a thing. All of this psychological warfare has the effect of making the victim doubt their own memory or perception of events. Desperate for the gaslighter’s approval and reassurance that they are not going mad, the victim becomes very dependent on their narcissistic abuser for a sense of reality.

Defense:
At this stage the victim still has enough of their self to fight and defend themselves against the gaslighting manipulation. However, the narcissist’s “gaslighting” is beginning to do what it is intended to do, that is, to throw the victim off balance by creating self-doubt, angst, turmoil, and guilt. This emotional damage causes the victim, over time, to lose their sense of reality, and sense of self. Becoming lost, confused, and unable to trust their own instincts and memory, they tend to isolate themselves somewhat because of the shame they feel. Before long their psychic energy becomes depleted, and they are left unable to defend themselves from the horrendous gaslighting effect. At this stage the person’s whole system may feel that it is in danger of annihilation.


From birth, nature builds in unconscious defense mechanisms and adaptive behaviours in order to protect the child from annihilation from early trauma, and these same defenses remain throughout life when ever we are vulnerable to highly stressful experiences that threaten us with annihilation. When the child starts life, they experience the world as a frightening place, so in order to reduce their fear they need to form an emotional bond with somebody in order to reduce their stress and anxiety. They identify and bond with their main caregiver (usually the Mother), and of course, they are very likely, at some time in the future, to experience her as their first aggressor. Mother can be experienced by the child as being both “threatening and kind”, and this seems to lead to the child turning to emotional bonding for survival. This psychological condition is known to-day as “Stockholm Syndrome”. It is found to happen universally in situations where people find themselves to be held captive and in fear of their lives; as in kidnapping, hostage situations, and narcissistic abuse. 

This phenomenon of trauma bonding with the narcissist aggressor can be found in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. In Stockholm Syndrome, the victim adapts to the traumatic situation by unconsciously going into an regressive mode, where they return to childish infantile patterns of behaviour (Regressed Infantilism), and bond with their captor as they did with their mother earlier in life as a defense against annihilation. In order to cope with the discomfort of living within such madness, the victims motivational drive provides a way that they can rationalize to reduce the dissonance they are experiencing (Cognitive Dissonance). For the therapist to understand the dynamics of all these defense mechanisms, they will then be able to appreciate why victims stay in these narcissistic abusive relationships, as it is a clever, but complicated unconscious self survival strategy.

Depression:
By this stage the victim can hardly recognize themselves, they are quickly becoming a shadow of their former self. Living under tyranny within a war zone where they are controlled, physically and emotionally battered, unable to make decisions, subjected to constant rages, sucked dry, stripped of dignity and safety, they exist in a joyless life. They begin to feel that they can’t do anything right any more, they don’t feel that they can trust their own mind, and they withdraw with a skewed reality of what is really taking place. They escape into depression. Many victims will also go on to experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The diagnosis of PDSD can be made based on certain symptoms being present, and these symptoms fall into three categories:


1. Reliving: (Flashbacks, intrusive imagery, nightmares, anxiety etc)2. Avoidance: (Avoiding people, places or thoughts, emotional numbing, lack of interest, hopelessness etc).3. Arousal: (Difficulty concentrating, irritability, outbursts of anger, insomnia, hyper-vigilance etc).

In my work with Narcissistic Victim Syndrome I have noticed that the victims were brought to the place of annihilation and death on many levels of the self while experiencing gaslighting behaviour in their narcissistic relationships. When we take on the journey of recovery together, I take care and time to educate the individual as to what was happening to them as their story unfolds. I am always meet with an array of responses, from shock, disbelief, profound sadness, guilt, shame, anger, fear, reflection, loneliness and an array of physical symptoms (panic attacks, flashbacks, anxious negative thoughts, fatigue, eating disorders, dissociation, abreaction etc.), but they also express relief at finally knowing what had been going on in the relationship, and the amount of “losses” they were dealing with.

I think many of the stages are very similar to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross stages of grief, which are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. But still, I find that the individual holds the key to even more strategies for guarding the various levels of defense that I have mentioned here. I am always amazed at how surprisingly resilient these victims are. All our strategies for surviving are incredibly intelligent, and together (the client and I) welcome each and every one as a teacher for our learning and understanding. When this happens, it allows for all the fragmented parts of the soul to return home where they become like special guests at a glorious Banquet, one unifying whole sitting at the Table of Recovery. 

When a therapist experiences this work they will truly appreciate and understand the deep suffering these victims have gone through daily. The fact that these clients have survived the torturous effects of the disorganized narcissistic personality disorder is in itself a miracle, and a testament to the human spirit.


Robin Stern names some of the warning signs of the effects of Gaslighting, I am merely expanding on some of these below:

What are the warning signs of Gaslighting?

• Second-guessing: Because a victim has had their confidence eroded by the constant gaslighting, they live in fear of doing the wrong thing, and making their situation even more dangerous for themselves. They invariably find themselves asking “what if”, and always trying to second guess themselves. This often effects how they problem-solve, and make decisions in their life.

• Asking “Am I too sensitive?”: Projection and blame are the hallmarks of gaslighting, and the victim become hyper-sensitive to the constant humiliation of their abuser. They hear countless times that they are “too sensitive”, that they soon begin to believe the lies. As a result they look for approval before doing anything, fearful that they will make more mistakes that will end in more humiliation. This form of gaslighting makes the victim doubt everything about themselves, so they constantly ask, “Am I being too sensitive”.

• Apologizing: Living with the narcissistic Dr. Jekyll and Mr/s Hyde, the victim finds themselves always apologizing for “never doing things right”, they even apologize for their very existence; it is a way of avoiding more conflict with their aggressor. Apology is not just something the victim does to be polite; it is a powerful strategy for staying safe while in the war zone, and a means to disarm the anger of the gaslighter. Most importantly, the power of apology is that it can take the shame off the narcissist and redirect it towards the victim, therefore avoiding some of the narcissists rage.

• Lack joy and happiness in life (melancholy): If one lives under the constant tyranny of the gaslighting narcissist, they can expect extremes of lethal hostility. Many victims go through physical and mental torture that can cause them to suffer a personality change, leaving them feeling confused, lonely, frightened and unhappy. Often they continue to carry this melancholy even after they escape from the abuser.

• Withholding information from others: Victims experience great shame about their situation; they get tired of trying to cover up their abuse as they go along. When well meaning friends and family members tell them they are being abused, they avoid the subject, and soon they learn to withhold giving more information in order to avoid further conflict. The importance of shame in narcissistic abuse is a difficult issue, but I don’t think it is too difficult to accept that the crimes of the gaslighting narcissist stigmatize the victim to their very core. Their shame is a normal response to the social failure they so often feel as a result of their abuse (i.e. the shame of being unable to protect themselves from their abuse). This shame can be seen as defensiveness and withdrawal by others. The relationship between shame and social supports is too complex to deal with here.

• Knowing something is terribly wrong, but can’t figure out what: The goal of gaslighting is to control and influence the reality of the gaslightee. It only works when the victim is unaware of what is really happening. The more the victim doubts their own reality or competence, the more dependent they become of the abuser. It is a vicious circle of events that is totally confusing to the victim, and that is exactly what the gaslighter wants.

• Trouble making simple decisions: To be caught in the narcissistic web of deception and illusion is the equivalent to being a fly trapped in the spider’s web. When entering the web, does the victim know that it is about to be bound up and eaten alive any more than the fly? The answer is “no”. However, the narcissistic web is akin to the disintegration of the self; the victim, under the threat of continual danger, forms a psychic bond with the abuser in order to avoid fragmentation of the self. In forming that bond they are compelled to organize themselves around their idealized abuser’s desires, and surrender their authentic potential: Having to ask permission to do anything, not being aloud to have their own opinion, never allowed to win the argument, constantly being chastised and humiliated, compromising their own thoughts, values, needs, and belief. Understandably, caught in this web they lose all autonomy, even their ability to make decisions for their own self.

• You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, and more relaxed: In order to survive, the victim enters into what is termed the “the narcissists dance”. This is an unconscious defense mechanism which helps to keep the victim safe, but in so doing they almost lose themselves by placating, complying, and appeasing. This becomes part of their way of being, a great “pleaser” with everybody. Unless this unconscious dance is exposed in therapy, and the victim educated about narcissistic behavior, they are actually left vulnerable to becoming Narcissistic Supply yet again. The reason is that they are conditioned (like Pavlov’s dogs) in a way that makes them a target for other hungry narcissists, who are always on the hunt for new supply, and are quick to spot those primed already.

• You feel hopeless and joyless: What had once seemed like heaven has now turned into a hell. There is no peace or joy in this place, just fear and suppression. Life loses all hope, as if the light has been turned off. All that remains is the deep black cloud of depression. And the victim is forced to live in a state of acquiescence in order to survive. Their perceptions of reality are continually undermined by the gaslighting sham, so they end up losing confidence in their intuition, memory, or reasoning powers. They are spun lies, lies that tell them that they are over-sensitive, imagining, unreasonable, irrational, over-reacting, and that they have no right to be upset. Hearing this time and time again, their reality is turned inside out, and they begin to believe that this may all be true.

The narcissist’s form of psychological abuse has managed to instill in their victim an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. In this state they are truly a hostage. However, many manage to get the courage to break free, but this is usually after several painful attempts. But when they do finally escape, in time they may find their way to your therapy room. Your job is to not just do the recovery work with them, but also to educate them about the traits and effects of narcissistic abuse. That way you give them back their reality and power, and they will be in a position to be able to recognize the narcissist at work, and be equipt to guard themselves against further re-victimization. 

Don’t underestimate the power of recovery of these people; the fact that they have survived such extreme abuse is testament to their strength and determination. I never fail to be amazed at the resilience of the human spirit.

Filed under: The Effects of Gaslighting in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart. 
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.