Stop Spinning Start Breathing

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Zari Ballard: narcasist abuse recovery, stop spinning start breathing
(author: when love is a lie)

The narcissist will cheat no matter how great your sex life is together and no matter how willing you are to fulfill his every fantasy – and that’s a fact. Furthermore, if you, as the victim partner, behave like I did and refuse to wrap your head around this fact even after you discover that he’s a narcissist, you are setting yourself up for a the biggest fall of your life because inevitably, you will have to accept the horrible truth and it will hurt more than you can possibly imagine.

I’m telling you now, right here, as the point of this article, that it is better to understand and accept the truth about “narcissists and sex” as soon after the “a-ha” moment as humanly possible so that you can get on with the process of recovering from the pain. For those of you who don’t consider sex to be the biggest connection you have to your narcissist, this advice still applies because no doubt you’ve amped up the sex in hopes that it will nip the cheating in the bud if you now give him what he wants…but it won’t. My point is that it just doesn’t matter whether the sex is good/great now (before you catch him cheating) or whether the sex becomes good/great later (after you catch him cheating). The motherfucker is going to cheat either way and no matter what he tells you. To “get this” you have to slither inside the twisted mind of the narcissist’s pathological relationship agenda and, believe me, I have and now I’m here to try to explain to you why he does it.

The narcissist, from day one, never intends to be loyal to you. In fact, loyalty never occurs to him at all until you bring it up the very first time and then his solution is to simply lie about it. It’s not that the narcissist doesn’t understand that normal people, for the most part, do not condone infidelity, it’s just that he feels entitled to cheat even if everyone else doesn’t. But the narcissist is smart, don’t forget, and, therefore he knows what he has to do, what he has to hide, and how he needs to act in order to wander anonymously through life (and especially from relationship to relationship) getting what he wants.


Each and every single time that you are discarded or subjected to a silent treatment, the narcissist is cheating. He feels completely entitled to do this and this is why he gets soooooo angry when he gets caught or called out on his deceitful behavior. This is why he twists and manipulates the confrontation until you find yourself apologizing for the sole purpose of apologizing even though it was he who cheated! How many of you reading this have apologized….maybe evenbegged for forgiveness…after catching him in yet another fucking lie? Think about how ridiculous that is. Normal people that we love do not make us feel that way. Once, exasperated at my inability to stop crying as I repeatedly asked “Why? Why? How could you cheat on me?, my ex finally threw his hands up and screamed “Because I didn’t think it was any big deal, that’s why!!!!!” Ahhhhh…finally, he told me a truth.

I know it hurts, sisters and brothers, and I understand that when we really love someone, the sex becomes a very special connection. Under normal circumstances, this connection can play a big role in the monogamy of the relationship. Under normal circumstances, a great sex life is a bonus simply because normal couples in love really do prefer to just fuck ONLY one another. Narcissists are incapable of feeling this connection but are more than happy to lie about it in order to appear normal and keep you (and all the others) as narcissistic supply. The narcissistic behavior of seduce and discard is part the process of trauma bonding. To be free of this demonic partner, we have to accept this fact, forget about finding closure, go no contact, and move on with our lives even though the pain is deep.

Zari Ballard (narcasist abuse recovery, stop spinning start breathing(author: when love is a lie)

Be Psychopath Free
WARNING: Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not to be confused with a broken heart. 
Narcissist, Sociopathic, Paranoid and Psychopathic traits are considered serious personality disorders and mental illnesses that must be properly diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional. They are not words to throw about or maliciously accuse someone of being. Sometimes you might be angry or someone you know is just an asshole.